Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
