omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
