I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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