from now on my penis is your penis
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
