i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
