so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize