i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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