remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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