I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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