I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
