thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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