NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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