I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
