Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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