why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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