Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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