all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize