I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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