I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
