The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
