i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
