My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
