From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
