I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
