is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
