So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
