Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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