weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had to cum in my sink.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
