I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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