You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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