Michael Bay diarrhea
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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