New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
