Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
