C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
from now on my penis is your penis
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
