Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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