He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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