What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
