Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
