Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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