just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
