I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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