I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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