based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
false alarm. still invincible.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
