I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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