i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
