3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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