Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
