I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
