Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
