if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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