I puked a lego.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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