I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
