I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
