Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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