I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
