i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
