dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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