I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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