seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
