They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
