We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
this just has baby written all over it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
