i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
