nut hugger
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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