i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My feet surprised me
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