i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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