Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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