This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
