An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
