At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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