As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
