Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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