We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
